I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
