So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
