before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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