You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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