My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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