My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
