please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
