sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
