Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
