the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
