There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
