Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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