wanna go halves on a baby?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
