how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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