Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
