I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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