i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize