airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
