Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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