...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
