hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
