My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
