Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize