My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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