sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
