My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Houston, we have a blender
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
