I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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