it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
