wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it because I queefed?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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