i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
