worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize