I bet he comes in French.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
