i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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