my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
