You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize