If that was your dad, he is hot
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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