I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize