That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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