Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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