i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
