If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
