Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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