dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
