I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize