she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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