also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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