he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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