Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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