i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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