you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
