ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
