my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
