It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
