Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
