If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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