even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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