so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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