I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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