Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
