I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
