Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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