the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize