An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
