Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
