Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize