I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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